Dance You Out Your Doggone Shoes

Started work on the new zine. The new thing is called NAMER. It's about how to turn someone on by getting turned on. I don't know how to put it. It's about desiring desire? Sort of like, teaching someone how to teach. I'm interested in pushing the fucking so far out of my writing that the sex only happens in people's heads. I think it's an interesting site. Talking about it, I said that I started go-go dancing and writing sexually explicit zines because I wanted to participate in my own fantasies. Which is really what it is. I want to be the subject of desire, but I also want to have some agency in the language with which we talk about the desired objects. I've been both, you know. (I mean, everybody is both all the time anyways, but it took me go-go dancing to feel like I could be an object). I've been the talker and I've also been Who She's Talking About. This space of knowing how to shoot a gun and how it feels to get shot? Of how to take a photo and how a flash bulb feels, that's what I'm going for. It's in my own language, I mean.

I have this weird sense of dread. A "here we go again" kind of feeling. I sort of feel like I'm incapable of having a normal conversation with anyone. Last night Bobo and I went out for dinner and ice cream, which was fun.

Tonight I'm going to see Glenn Marla and La JohnJoseph perform, then go to bed early. Tomorrow is my birthday party. I'm really excited. If we're good enough friends that you know where I live, then you're probably invited. I'm sort of worried that no one will come. And I'm also worried that people will come. I don't know. I just worry.

I forgot what my theme song for 2008 was, but the theme song for age 24, so far, has got to be "Honey" by Mariah Carey. I can't link to the YouTube video of it, but I thought I'd post this, instead. It's Malcom McClaren's World Famous Supreme Team's video for "Hey DJ" from whence "Honey" lifts that sweet piano sample. I thought it appropriate, since at the photo shoot on Tuesday they put me in an over sized leather jacket with no shirt, just tons of necklaces, saying I reminded the stylist of a young Malcom McClaren. (It's my birthday, I can't shut up about myself).This is also among my Absolute Favorite Songs Of All Time. The video is super corny. I like how the beat sounds sort of blah, kind of melancholy or something? Like, not a big dance-y house jam, and the raps aren't totally brilliant. But the girls in the video? Are LOVING it.

So yeah. That's what my birthday party is gonna be like. Get really excited (if you're invited). I realized as I'm writing this that I was going to mention all the people who are not invited to my birthday party, but I don't have time or energy for enemies. I'm a lover. I'm a flower child. I turned 24 I don't have time for this trifling. I'll still flip out and do really freaky fucked up shit when I'm mad, but I don't have the wherewithal to hold a grudge. Boring!

Let's go dancing. Instead.